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Newsletter - Easter 2023

Dear friends, family and fans, Xaviera Hollander here. Philip and I wish you a happy Easter and a good corona-free, healthy face-mask-free summer!

xaviera portrait

I have finally finished writing not one, but three new books in the WALL TALK series, namely WALL TALK I, II, and III. I will share more about them when they are published in both Dutch and English, hopefully around my 80th birthday in mid-June 2023, or else by the end of this year. In the meantime, I have no travel stories to tell, except that my dear husband Philip had a relaxing and well-deserved week-long vacation with his two daughters in Florence, Italy.

Meanwhile, several good friends visited me in Amsterdam, some of whom even brought delicious food and of course, we had our two housemates, Theo and Alkis, to take care of me and our B&B guests. I still had my only surviving Siamese cat, Maxi, who kept us company, while his twin sister Mini, unfortunately, passed away a few months ago at the age of 14. We missed her for days until we found her dead in our own garden on a rainy, cold morning. It seems that cats often prefer to die alone. During that same period in January 2023, we all shed quite a few tears. xie and brenda having fun Since I am not currently experiencing any adventurous things myself, I suddenly came across a very interesting newspaper article from my good American writer friend Brenda (next photo).

It was a shocking story about ALFRED HITCHCOCK, whom I also knew professionally. This is what Brenda sent me and I will tell you what I did for him when I was still active as the young but successful Happy Hooker in New York in the seventies. The piece comes from an internet article about celebrities with a bad reputation: Alfred Hitchcock attacked actresses and played sadistic games with them!! He would certainly be sued by the "me too" movement today. During the filming of his movie The Birds, he literally threw live birds at the face of the lead actress Tippi Hedrin, causing them to attack her fiercely. This went on for up to 8 hours a day and she had scars on her face for the rest of her life. During the filming of his movie MARNIE, he sexually assaulted her in her trailer. He threatened to ruin her career if she did not meet his sexual demands. Later, he sent Tippi's daughter, Melanie Griffith, a lifelike doll of her mother in a coffin when Melanie was only 8 years old! Apart from his obsession with Tippi, he was generally a jerk to the actors he worked with. He was notorious for his cruel and sadistic pranks.

xie in krk with penthouse girlsMy own experience with Alfred Hitchcock in the days of the Happy Hooker was much more peaceful, but still quite macabre! I was called one day by one of his agents in Los Angeles to fly over to L.A., and was met there by his private driver, who first took me to a fancy high school, where I was introduced to a class of cute and naive beautiful teenage girls. The limousine driver then asked me to point out the two sweetest, purest girls. So I indeed chose a cute, slim, blonde girl with short hair in a very hot mini-skirt. She must have been around 15 and the second girl of my choice was a slightly taller long-haired brunette with beautiful breasts. She was a little older I suspect. Then the three of us were driven by our charming driver to a beautiful luxury villa, where I was first taken to a large room with half-closed cream-coloured curtains and in the middle of this room stood an impressive white coffin.

Meanwhile, the girls had asked to go to the toilet to freshen up and had absolutely no idea what awaited them later. Meanwhile, our driver handed me an envelope containing $2,000 and the girls received $200 each later that day. The agent who had contacted me in New York had also paid for my return flight the next day and a night's sleep in one of the prettiest hotels in Los Angeles!
A friendly older "guide" took me to get a first look at the big white coffin in the middle of the enormously large hall, while the girls were still away. The guide explained to me that we could all expect a huge surprise. Then he closed the curtains a bit, and pressed a button on the wall and beautiful music by Bach reverberated through the great hall and made the atmosphere particularly macabre. It all felt a little spooky, but I still had no idea what awaited us. Then the guide asked me to take the curious girls over to that immense white coffin. Since all three of us were now allowed to look, I quickly realized that this was one of Alfred Hitchcock's kicks, but did not speak a word about it to the schoolgirls.

And indeed it was a huge shock for all three of us, to see this so-called corps obviously lying dead still with a sheet halfway up to his chest, laid out. I saw immediately that he was made up unrecognizably livid and pale with his eyes closed. They had no idea that this was ALFRED HITCHCOCK, but I had by now realized that it was indeed Mr Horror movie maker himself. The girls looked into the coffin in amazement and when the so-called corpse suddenly rose very slowly (obviously but not visibly in front of their eyes secretly masturbating), the girls began to totally panic and, at the top of their lungs, hysterically screamed the whole house together and tried to run away.... I may assume this was enough hysteria for Hitchcock to get his kicks as they say in English.

xie philip 2020Back again to Amsterdam in mid-March 2023. Philip and I have just had a very interesting intense and lengthy conversation with one of the employees of VICE FILM. This is a well-known International film company with its own television channel in America that makes educational documentaries. The young man, who approached me to make a documentary about my life agreed that they would do it in English, because currently, under the direction of an excellent assistant and also a friend of mine in Los Angeles: Valerie Gobos, I am also about to have my last three Wall Talk books and several other bestsellers of mine published by Harper Collins ... so an English-language documentary would be very convenient for us.

Educational? Yes definitely, I am still a member of the Dutch Speakers Academy and especially during the 35 years that I wrote my own sex advice column for Penthouse magazine CALL ME MADAM, I have gained enough experience to be of service to today's younger generation with their sexual or relational problems and to take a few facts out of the taboo atmosphere here is a list.

Sadly, there are thousands of women around the world, who due to Clitorectomy surgery can no longer experience sexual orgasm. In other words, their clitoris gets removed shortly after birth, often in a particularly painful way. While with men, Jews and Muslims as well as many Americans, get circumcised (the foreskin is removed) shortly after the boys are born. When Orthodox Jews marry, the women must wear a wig when they go out, And in the bed, a sheet must hang between the bride/wife and her husband until ovulation comes, about 14 days after her last period. Then apparently she is fertile for a few days, in other words, that is supposedly the perfect time to get pregnant. SO THEN THEY SHOULD HAVE SEX AND MAKE AS MANY BABIES AS POSSIBLE!!!!

Around the world, ABORTION CLINICS are being closed down lately and the "morning after" pill or regular anti-conception pills or condoms for men VIAGRA seem to have also been banned in some parts of the world, such as in several parts of the UNITED STATES where they are not even made anymore. Who knows, maybe soon condoms will no longer be produced either, but W EA P O N S! HAHA. NO ONE SEEMS TO BAN THEM THESE DAYS, ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA!!! FORGET THAT, EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO BUY THEM. NOR ARE BIG DEADLY KNIVE S BANNED FOR CHILDREN.... with the result that hundreds of school kids are getting killed during SHOOTING PARTIES or by knives and often the police don't even try to arrest the underage guilty teens!

But.... HUNTING FOR RARE WILD ANIMALS during super expensive safari tours!!! … YEAH , THAT'S DEAD-EASY AND OFTEN COSTS A FORTUNE . Although I understand that there are now new official rules that PROHIBIT TRAVELLERS TO TAKE BODYPARTS OF DEAD ANIMALS INTO THE PLANE!

WHISTLING OR YELLING at women on the street or SEXUAL HARASSMENT such as slapping on the buttocks is also no longer allowed. I have also been told that DUE TO THE ME TOO NEW RULES from now on even kissing a woman without consent is punishable (I think this is going a bit too far).

Xaviera in front of the Nude bodies painting.

Making PORNO FILMS OR NAUGHTY NUDE PHOTOS of a young adolescent girl (whether it's your friend or not) BUT WITHOUT HER WRITTEN CONSENT should really be banned, especially if those photos or films are then distributed via the net or e-mailed to other people, who she doesn't even know. Something like that even led to the suicide of a Dutch girl two years ago. She first became anorexic and then wanted to commit suicide at 17, but ... euthanasia is also prohibited in the Netherlands until the age of 18.

The latest news I read this week was that the FAST unnoticed REMOVAL of a CONDOM by the man who has already put his cock inside her vagina, in other words while penetrating a woman and then suddenly removing it halfway through intercourse, - which could get her pregnant - , is also highly illegal. I AM WELL AWARE THAT THIS IS PARTICULARLY MEAN AND THAT THIS CUSTOM SHOULD BE ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN

Then, in the field of sensitive and maybe a little bit sexy literature, a kind of anti-porn activity has also developed that really goes very far. For example, we are talking about certain sexual expressions of the now world-famous writer ROALD DAHL, who has been dead for years! The great writer's books are today being completely rewritten for textbooks in various libraries and languages ,while various terms about sex are totally changed, in other words, mixed up. In fact, Roald Dahl wrote many books precisely for children; such as The Chocolate Factory , The Big Horrible Giant and Mathilda.

Regarding all of the above, I don't want to talk about men, who have had surgery to become women or vice versa: women who desire to become men, so-called TRANSSEXUALS. Fortunately, life for homosexuals , trans-genders and transvestites at least in the Netherlands is most tolerant, but on the other hand, in Indonesia, for example, there are again NEW LAWS that a man and a woman may not have sex with each other at all until they are officially married. However, this new law does not apply to hotel guests. And GAY MARRIAGE, of course, is also a NONO IN COUNTRIES LIKE INDONESIA.

Then there are hundreds of women in some Arab countries, who are not allowed to walk in the streets without a scarf around their head. Recently even half a dozen of these women apparently have been killed for not obeying these rules in their restricted macho countries. They are not even allowed to go to school or get jobs like nurses or teachers!

So these are other topics, I am quite interested to discuss if and when I get a contract to participate in one or more educational films for VICE. 

Also, my three new  books in English  would be GREAT PUBLICITY for the USA for a series of reprints of some of my most  famous books  since the Happy Hooker  was first  published 50 years ago

 

5 BEAUTIFUL HAIKU'S

And here is a   wonderful haiku  written by a longtime friend of us on the occasion of the death of his old father. Viktor Froelke is an up and coming talented writer, but above all  one of our best and most  talented poets.

FIVE HAIKUS AT THE DEATH OF MY FATHER

camera man and vikto froelke 1. My father is dead.

My mother took care of him.

He lived quite a long time

 

2. Eldest. Camp. GP.

To sail. France.

Bridge. Debate.

To travel. Wine. Read.

 

3. Father allowed something.

He lent you his car,

Gave slaps and advice.

 

4. Critical. Charming.

Honest, wordy, frugal,

Nowhere without mom.

 

5. Cool yet glowing

My father has been through a lot.

Shade in the sun.

 

FIRST INHERITANCE

Like the life of a writer

is dedicated to father- search

I will not find him at the boekenbal

This week he coughed

his last, suffocating breath

amidst the loud-talking book-lovers

I put my first heirloom

in the pocket of my velvet jacket:

my father's lower teeth

 held together in a simple frame.

It was not much, his teeth,

that was in addition to fungal nails and a broken back,

his legacy from the Japanese internment camps.

I also carry with me

his wallet,  worn to the thread.

Father never had money with him, but he did

always carry a minuscule bearded author's photo

a comforting fantasy with my father as a

ninety-three-year-old debutant

wheelchair on the red carpet.

 

THE INCREASE IN HIS HAIR

a tuft of my dead father's hair I wanted,

this never happened in my life,

but when I looked inside the box

there was almost nothing left,

except for an outrageous eyebrow bush

Father's regular hairdresser even  came by;

my mother had tried in vain to cancel that appointment

“He died”, she said, when the hairdresser was at the door,

it is no longer necessary.

“Okay,” said the barber, “too bad.”

On the day of his death

 I gave my father another shave;

when I finished, he went with the tip of his finger

slowly  over his cheek and jaw

and pointed out where I hadn't been.

 

FINISHED

many people together

me alone with my mother

he slowly slips away,

in a coffin made by his firstborn.

In his clean sweater, with his rookies, duckies and cap

plus a letter from his daughter.

we watch him, how he

floats out of Parklane, without hesitation,

takes a slight turn

to infinity

Your son Victor.

 

In the meantime, I forwarded this beautiful poem to some good old friends and girlfriends   and this is what one of our best Surinam  friends, Carla, who is already 86 and still in great shape, immediately wrote back;

Hi Xaviera

I have read your friend's poem twice and I must say: it was beautiful and sad and I suddenly had a lot to think about my own father. I couldn't go to his funeral in Suriname. Shortly before he died I went to visit him in Suriname. He was so frail and thin and sat quietly by the window in his lovely easy chair.

When I said goodbye to him I knew it was forever. I loved my father very much. He was a very good man. He and my mother didn't get along, they quarreled a lot, but I was always on his side, because I was very much like him in character. I also got tears in my eyes reading this emotional ode to Victor’s dear father, because it seemed like I was experiencing it all over again myself. Love and please stick around girl. I love you and your dear man very very much too!   Carla

And these are our poet's last words when he read Carla's beautiful text:

Emotion is perhaps the highest compliment a poet can achieve.

 

 

To conclude, two more funny and cheerful videos:

Enjoy life, whether you are rich or poor, pure or naughty, try to stay healthy and make the most of it.   

PEACE AND LOVE WISHED TO YOU ALL  by XAVIERA AND PHILIP

AND... IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE STORIES...

THEN GO READ MY FOLLOWING BOOKS coming out in a few months:         

  •  WALL TALK I:     THE PRUDENT BIRD OF PARADISE
  •  WALL TALK II:    HAPPY HOUSE
  •  WALL TALK III:  GETTING OLD IS NOT FOR SISSIES

Xaviera's Happy House B&B

Goliath

Goliath

Sleeps 2 to 3 people - a spacious room, artistically decorated with king size bed, round table and four chairs, refrigerator, terrace, radio and TV as well as Wi-Fi. Coffee and tea maker in room as well as hairdryer. Private bathroom and toilet.

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Happy House B&B Amsterdam

Happy House B&B Amsterdam

Xaviera’s Happy House is the ideal bohemian place to stay at in Amsterdam for a few days, no matter why you come here: for a naughty romantic weekend, a congress at the Rai or simply as a tourist with wife and or kids. When looking for the perfect...

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Stadionweg 17, Amsterdam, Noord Holland - 1077RV, The Netherlands